


The Christmas Do

by Pale Rider (Boothros)



Category: The Professionals (TV 1977)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21938977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boothros/pseuds/Pale%20Rider
Relationships: William Bodie/Ray Doyle
Kudos: 19





	The Christmas Do

“Bodie, you old dog you! Seasons greetings and all that, what’ll you have, I’m in the chair!”

“Murph you old rascal! Pint of ordinaire if you please, it could well be a long night if we’re not all too old to survive it!”

“And your better half, take it he’s gracing the place with his presence somewhere is ‘e?”

“He was attempting to chat up a barmaid the last time I laid eyes on him, but he’ll have the same, thanks.”

“He’s still _completely_ gorgeous I take it?”

“Well, so he keeps telling me. I must admit it _is_ all rather irritating, he’s got ‘good genes’ apparently.”

“Is that genes or _jeans_?”

“Both, the jammy little bugger. I’ve only got to _look_ at a mince pie and he starts off.”

“Ah, the joys of marital bliss!”

“Oh he’ll do for me, but for God’s sake don’t tell him I said that!”

“Mum’s the word and talk of the devil…”

“Murph! Hiya, mate ‘ow’s it ‘angin’?”

“Raymond, dear boy! Bodie here was just explaining how you were trying your luck with the bar wench!”

“Rubbish! I was just complimenting her on her lovely pair of … eyes. Are you the first here?”

“Nope. Lucas and McCabe nabbed the fruit machine as soon as we walked through the door and Jax is about somewhere—”

“Bloody hell, there he is! I thought this was for CI5 only, how come he’s brought his missus?”

“Er, that’s not his missus, Ray, who if you’ll remember, is a little more er, _tanned_ than that young lady appears to be.”

“Christ, I thought he was a happily married man!”

“So did his missus…”

“What goes on at the CI5 do, stays at the CI5 do…”

“Wise words there, Bodie. Look, here comes Ruth!”

“And _Oh Joy_ , she’s brought boy wonder with her…”

“Now now, Raymond, it’s become tradition that young Williams joins our merry throng each year and he _is_ her husband…”

“ _He’s_ not cI5!”

“He’s not MI6 now either, in fact _none_ of us are anything but mere pensioners anymore.”

“And he didn’t try to shoot _you!”_

“Raymond, dearest, he didn’t try to shoot you either, well not really he didn’t and besides, I was there to stop him.”

“Huh, you took your time about it as far as I remember, Bodie!”

“Sometimes I wish I’d left it a little longer…”

“What was that?”

“Oh nothing, petal, just saying if Murph leaves it any longer to get the beers in, we might all die of thirst. Hi, Ruth!”

“Well hello you bunch of degenerates, how are we all?”

“Just spiffing, thanks, Ruth, it’s so good to see you both!”

“Well thankyou, Bodie, I see you’re not getting any thinner.”

“I’m a growing lad!”

“You’ve been a growing lad ever since I’ve known you, Bodie.”

“Hear hear, Ruth!”

“And as for _you_ , Doyle, your haircut is at least thirty years overdue. Now, Murphy are you going to help me with these drinks for heaven’s sake?”

“My God, Williams, how the hell do you put up with her?”

“Oh, she has her hidden virtues, Doyle, believe you me! Oh, isn’t that your friend over there, forget his name, odd chap…”

“Good grief, it’s Stuart! He doesn’t normally turn up to these things…”

“Probably crawled out from under his rock for once…”

“Ease up, Bodie, Stuart’s alright.”

“Whatever floats yer boat, I’m off for a slash.”

“Hey mates! How are you all, this is um … um…”

“Gail.”

“Yes this is Gail, we just met, hey, Ray, where’s Bodie?”

“Hi, Jax, hi, Gail. Bodie’s taking a leak and Murph’s getting ‘em in, what are you havin’?”

“No we’re okay for the moment, did you know Stuart’s over there in the corner trying to look inconspicuous?”

“Bodie probably glared at him.”

“No they never really did get on, what _was_ that all about, Ray?”

“Oh, too many hormones in too small a city as far as I’m concerned, Jax, they both want their heads knocking together. Anyway how are you, how’s the good lady wife?”

“Oh, she’s grand, Ray, love the bones of the woman!”

“What’s all this ‘Gail’ business then?”

“Oh, just a night’s easy entertainment, Shanise knows I’d never really stray. God is that who I think it is? Look over there, the guy pushing the wheelchair!”

“Bloody hell it is! Look everyone, it’s Macklin and Towser! Make way people, wheels coming through!”

“Brian! Good Lord long time no see, I’ve just got a round in but what’ll you both have?”

“Ah, Cheers, Murphy a pint of lager apiece for me and my charge would go down most splendidly, thankyou, with a drinking straw in one of them if you’d be so kind.”

“How _are_ things, Towser?”

“Sorry, Murphy, but I’ll be speaking for m’laddo here tonight if nobody minds? His speech hasn’t been up to much lately and it upsets him a bit trying to be understood.”

“Sure, Brian. Whatever you feel comfortable with, Towser, we’re all friends here.”

“Talking of the little boys room, where is it, we’d better get all that business out the way, it can take an age and I’m parched.”

“Don’t head for the one I’ve just come out of, Brian there’s a big disabled one through that door by the dart board. Better make use of it before Doyle makes it his home for the night.”

“Oi I ‘eard that!”

“Oh thanks, Bodie, good to see you!”

“And you, Brian! Good to see you too, Towser.”

“Bloody hell, you gotta give it to Macklin taking on Towser like that.”

“Good for him! He was a broken man having lost Betty to breast cancer. When he looked up Towser and found the poor man had succumbed to MS, it gave him a project, someone to care for again.”

“Indeed, Ruth, he’s an inspiration to us all.”

“You just WOULD have to bring up me sleeping in a toilet though wouldn’t you?”

“Oh come on, Ray, it was bound to come up sooner or later so now at least, the anticipation’s over for you! Ruth’s right though, Macklin’s certainly pulled himself together after losing Betty like that.”

“I still can’t believe he ever pulled Betty in the first place!”

“Only ‘cos you never got anywhere with her.”

“Well neither did you as memory serves, _dearest.”_

“Had my eye on rougher trade, didn’t I? I mean why would I chase prime steak when I could settle for scrag-end mince at half the price?”

“You’ll suffer for that remark later tonight, Butch.”

“Looking forward to it already, Sweetness.”

“Come on, _ladies_ enough of the handbags at dawn, get your chops round these pints of Best if you’d please.”

“Ooh cheers, Murph, about time too!”

“Well it’s your round next, Bodie so make short work of it if you will…”

“How’s the lovely Miriam, Murph?”

“Don’t think I didn’t see you rapidly trying to change the subject there, Bodie, but thank you, she’s fine. Ooh look, budge up everyone, Brian and Towser are coming back.”

“Oh my God and look who’s right behind them!”

“Who, Ray, who are you talking about?”

“Look it’s Jack and Maggie!”

“Who?”

“Oh keep up, Murphy, Jack and Maggie Crane!”

“Oh my good God, she was Barry Martin’s bird wasn’t she! I thought she buggered off to South Africa?”

“Yeah she did. Seems her experiences with our infamous trainer made former blonde bimbo Maggie Briggs an interesting prospect for MI6. She did the training and became an agent overseas. Jack wasn’t long in following her and they eventually married in Cape Town ten years ago.”

“Bloody ‘ell Ray I didn’t know that, how did I not know that?”

“Well if you will go and become a respectable _school teacher_ of all things, don’t expect to be kept up on all the best highly confidential gossip!”

“Well _you_ must have been WELL out of CI5 by then, so how the hell did _you_ find out?”

“Keep me ‘ear to the ground, don’t I?”

“What he _means_ Murph is that we kept in contact with Maggie after Barry died. When she asked both our opinions on whether she’d be suited to The Service, neither of us could see any reason why not. She did all the hard work herself though, nothing to do with us, hush up, they’re coming over…”

“Hi guys, happy Christmas!”

“Hi, Mags, what brings you back to dreary London?”

“My old dear’s on her last legs, Ray. Could be her last Christmas with any luck and I’m showing willing in case she decides to leave her place to the cats’ home.”

“Well what a seasonal thought…”

“The old bitch deserves everything she gets, Bodie. If she’d spent more money on my powdered milk than she ever did on gin, I might be a bit more charitable towards her.”

“Enough said, welcome back to London!”

“Thanks! Jack always likes to look up Brian when we manage to get over, he told us about this little soiree and here we are!”

“So how _was_ life as a foreign agent?”

“If I told you that Bodie, I’d have to kill you, but it paid the bills and I’m a lady of leisure these days of course.”

“Anyone know where Anson’s got to? It’s always him griping that we’ve got to get the announcements out of the way before we can get down to the serious drinking!”

“Oh, Bodie, sorry forgot to tell you he cried off a couple of days ago, got struck down with bronchitis again!”

“Oh God, the poor sod, that must be the sixth time at least since he gave up smoking, who else are we waiting for then. Murph?”

“Well Benny’s skiing and Kate Ross and ‘er bird are in the Seychelles so I think that’s about it.”

“Bloody hell there’s less and less of us every year! Oh well, better get it over with then, I suppose, Ladies and gentlemen, unaccustomed as I am to public speaking—"

“Get on with it Bodie!”

“Why thankyou for that encouragement, Lucas, as I was _trying_ to say, it once again befalls on me to welcome you and to for us all to take a moment to remember those sadly no longer with us, not least our illustrious leader, Major George Cowley…”

*****

_Five hours later, staggering ever so slightly, once-upon-a-time agents 3-7 and 4-5, alight to their waiting taxi, trying not to fall over and trying harder not to make a complete show of themselves. Each aware of their own mortality, they scramble into the car like a pair of giggling schoolboys, grateful to have survived another year and yet another Christmas do, to still have their marbles but most of all, to still have each other._

Happy Christmas


End file.
